I’m Clingy in Woman’s Day



I’m in Woman’s Day talking about being needy in my relationship. My article is written from the perspective of a widow, but I think these feelings arise when we’re adrift in a new romantic situation, be it from death or divorce or a break up. And much of my article is how I got over my feelings of neediness.

It begins:  One night, I told my boyfriend,”You used to call me beautiful all the time…” The next night when he said he was too tired to come over I complained, “I really need to see you tonight, I’m lonely.” And the worst cliche, when he joked we’d eaten too much at an all-inclusive resort, I bleated, “Do I look fat?….Oooh, what did he say.  Let’s go read the rest here, shall we: my clingy article.

So, please share if you know someone who might relate. And while I’m at it, and I know I say this a lot, don’t really know what I’m doing with a blog. What would you like to see here?


Chat soon,

Love, Debbie



  • Betsy says:

    Debbie, this is a wonderful post, and so close to home. I am in the sad lonely stage. I am getting better, some good days mixed in with some not so good day. It has been 5 years for me since he passed. We were high school sweethearts. Now at 63, I know I don’t want to be alone, and he would want me to get on with my life and enjoy the rest of it. He was very sick for a long time, and I miss so much the intimace a man & woman share, not just the sexual parts, but everything that is connected to another person. I miss the closeness, the talking, touching, just being with someone else. Thank you. I enjoy reading your words. I can relate.

    • Debbie says:

      Thank you! I appreciate your letting me know that you can relate. It was three years for me on April 10th. I was traveling then which helped. And yes, the closeness is what I missed most. Not sex per se, but curling up with someone I felt loved and comfortable with.

    • Susan says:

      Betsy, that is exactly what I miss…the day to day routine and someone to share the trivia with! I’ve only been widowed for 6 months and reading what people are writing, 5 or 6 or 10 years after the loss, scares the heck out of me! I am already losing friends over it. And I find that I am less inclined to be inauthentic in order to keep a friendship going. I am more outspoken. I try not to do it in a hurtful way, but some of the truth does hurt! Anyway, I am just so scared about the future!

      • Debbie says:

        I have to say that I too often fear the future. And I’ve certainly become more outspoken. In fact, I’m trying to tone down my next blog post. But, joking aside, I understand where you’re coming from.

  • Jacqui says:

    Oh Debbie! This is your bravest article yet, to share not only the vulnerability of being a widow, but how it makes us behave in ways we don’t want to be. As for being outspoken – I have done that too when getting fed up with meaningless platitudes or insensitive comments. But it doesn’t do me any favours – I should have remembered that from when I did the same following t=years of infertility and miscarriage when people told me all the reasons I should be glad not to have a child, or that I was so busy I didn’t have time for one anyway. (Excuse me, am I supposed to sit at home doing nothing just so you know I would have had time for a child?)
    ou know, trying to make a good relationship as a widow is hard, sometimes I have thought it would be easier to do without the potential closeness we all miss so much.
    Look forward to hearing from you soon.
    Jacqui xxx

    • Debbie says:

      It is hard. I do agree. I am wondering about doing without. We’ll chat soon, Debbie xxx