I Get Sexy in Elle Decor

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One of the Few Times I’ve Tried Cooking

Last October, there was a hot, nearly naked, 30-year-old app developer in my bathroom, but I really wanted him to leave. I’d met him online on OK Cupid, and he’d suggested a rendezvous. After a preliminary meet up, I picked him up a few days later at the nearest BART station for what was supposed to be a hook up. But once I got him to my house, I didn’t feel excited. Just really uncomfortable.

I told myself that the guy was a failed experiment; what did I expect trying to live alone for the first time at age 49?

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And so starts my article in Elle Decor.  Now go read the rest of it here: The Truth About Living Alone for the First Time  And I am so thrilled.  Please share if you like it.  Tell me what you think in the comments!

Grateful for the editing help I got.

Love, Debbie






  • Joyce says:

    Dear Debby Keep up the excellent work. It speaks to me. I am a 56 year ok widow going thru a similar experience.

    • Debbie says:

      Dear Joyce,

      Thank you so much! I love hearing that someone can relate to what I’ve written. And it’s hard doing this as a grown up who used to be married.

  • Dan says:

    I’ll give you a mans perspective if you’re interested but you may not like everything I have to say. First I am glad to hear you are mastering home repair projects. The only reason they might seem hard is because you’re just going through them for the first time. Experience is a great teacher and I can already see your confidence building, good for you.

    As for your hookup with the 30 year old guy, sorry but take it from a guy who’s been in the singles world nearly as long as you were married, that is a BIG mistake. You’re going to learn very quickly that at your age there are A LOT of men who are either liars or users or both. Hooking up is guaranteed to get you these kind of men and in the end all you’ll be accomplishing is poisoning your attitude towards men. Nothing is sacred with our generation, nothing.

    In my opinion you are making the classic mistake I have seen so many women make. You’ve written many times that what you really miss most in your life is love, but hooking up with guy on only your second date just runs so contrary to what you say is most important to you.

    I am not judging you as the only reason I bothered to respond is I am just so sick and tired of hearing women say they just want a loving relationship but then go and do the exact opposite and hookup with a guy they know doesn’t have any desire to love them, just use them. To top it off they then complain they can’t find a good man who’ll simply love them. BS, get your heads right ladies and stop sending conflicting messages. It’s either one or the other but not both.

    You are doing a good job at putting yourself out there trying new activities. I truly believe your chances of finding a good man are much higher meeting them one on one vs all this online dating crap that really is filled with liars and users looking for a cheap hookup.

    Now you see how very fortunate you were to have spent so many years married and missed all the hurt, pain, lies, and deceit of being single. I’d gladly trade all my battle scars for a good marriage any day. Being single truly sucks.

    • Debbie says:

      Ok, i’m not offended by what you have to say. I did think for a bit that I just wanted to have fun and try new things. Then, I decided that I wanted love again. But that was later. No conflict, just a timeline. And yeah, you can want sex and want love and want them at different times or with different people. No conflict, just a change in priorities.

      I agree online dating can suck. I haven’t found that many liars or users. I did find very needy people with very little to offer except a sad litany of their own needs, unmet for years, but that wasn’t nefarious. I just stopped ealing with them.

      And I won’t go with being single sucks. Change the focus. Being alive is wondrous. Being single can be an aspect of being alive that we don’t want. But life is what matters and I learned that from George watching him die and his telling me how lucky I was to be healthy.I was lucky and I’ll have a lovely life single or with someone.

  • Monica says:

    Being alive can be wonderous, while single or married. It sure beats the alternative! Being single or married doesn’t say anything about a person’s level of happiness. Obviously, it’s different for everyone, and fluctuates over the years in many long and not so long marriages.

    I’m lucky to be getting this opportunity to know you socially (as of yesterday), and read everything you’ve blogged to date.

    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your feelings, perspectives, and experiences. It is SO important to have community!

    • Debbie says:

      Thank you so much Monica for your interest in my writing! It was so great to meet you the other day! I agree that life in general is what’s wonderful. And community is so necessary, whether single or married. Finding community is the thing that’s helped me the most since George died.

      • Neil says:

        “Finding community is the thing that’s helped me the most since George died”

        That is a great observation Debbie, and segues into how I found your blog. Virtually all women who remain married “until death us do part” become widows, because women outlive men by about 5 years. I think intentional communities are a better alternative to widows living alone. I am living in my parent’s 55+ development settling the estate, and see people who were married all their adult life, now alone at the end after a spouse died.

        What about communal living? I like this video “There’s No Place Like Here: Communal Living with Nikki Silva”


        Communal living ends the question about eating alone very nicely. The kinds of communal living are only limited by imagination. A multi-generational commune would involve people of different age groups together. A poly household appealed to my lady friend who needs the attention of more than one man. This Interview with Apple at the Twin Oaks Community dispels the stereotype of a “commune” where “people are laying around, smoking pot, having sex and doing nothing” as not based in reality.


        As for the “hot, nearly naked, 30-year-old app developer” in your bathroom, why not if that is your choice? That’s a benefit of being single. Unfortunately dating later in life is not the same as teenage dating, young love, full of excitement, promise and innocence. I’m a single man, age 59 and looking for marriage or a LTR with a lady. Fine. I’m also a realist, and know I may never find that relationship. In the meantime, people get lonely, and horny. Having a fling to satisfy an immediate need for intimacy is not inconstant with looking for a partner for marriage or a LTR.

        • Debbie says:

          All good points. Communal living may be an interesting idea. I’ll have t check yout your video links.