Free Advice: Ask Me Anything


Dear Friends,

This blog is a bummer. Poor thing, it’s just a repository for things I get published. I haven’t given it a life of its own.

I always wanted to be “Dear Abby” or “Dear Beth” or Dear Prudence” (yes, there is one) or, my idol, “Miss Manners.” If I get them, I will answer one ”Dear Abby” style question per day. They can be on the holidays, on widowhood, or dating (I am an online dating queen) or anything else. I will not identify the questioner.

My answers may be more humorous than truly informational. I am not a trained anything. (Ok, I was a trained lawyer, but that’s an oxymoron). But I will offer my best answer and I will post it.   Please refer any friends who need advice. Any questions on The Theory of Relativity I will refer to my dad the nuclear physicist.

I like blogging when I get to connect with people. My last published thing was on caregiver guilt. I got comments and messages and people shared stories and I was so moved. I got to chat with new people! Writing without input is sort of deathly to me.

Like Scarlett O’Hara, my blog will have a better tomorrow. I know people have come to this thing and have read it. (Mainly because I’ve gotten a few things published). I”m up for playing with this.

I belong to blogging sites and I get that Instagram is the new black. But, you know, I don’t cook and how many pictures of bagels with lox and cream cheese do you want to look at? I can put up pictures of my new homewares, with a “Redecorating for widowhood” theme, but yeesh, right?

Plus, in Widowland, redecorating and remodeling don’t really help with the loss. I thought they would, but they don’t. Few things help. I’ve found a few, but…I may need to write that article under a pseudonym.

I can try a quote of the day, but I’m not really the affirmation quote type. My version of a positive quote: “If things suck, just say so. Putting on an act only makes you more tired.” (I made that up!)

So, open letter, I am up for suggestions on this. Please think of the lovely young web developer who set up this blog for me. I don’t want to kill all his hard work.  He helped me with glitches without charging me. (I’d love to refer him to people).

So, tell me a problem you want advice about. Or let me know if you want to see photos of my new stainless steel Alessi tea tray designed by a famous Italian Guy.

Many of us lost our spouses. Even more of us are just lonely. And the holidays just have to rub that in don’t they?



  • Claire says:

    I appreciate your “in your face” wit. I am SO weary of the whiny, sad, poor me blogs. Life for widows and widower just sucks. You give me great hope that the happy – wacky person I was will make a comeback some time down the road

    My question: What was your approach to sorting thru all the detritus of your life before widowhood? ? There is a lifetime/house full of things from “we”. I can’t just remove it alll… painful. So…what do i do?

    Counting on your humor Tto guide me to a creative and whimsical solution.


  • Anonymous says:

    Dear HW,
    I have been dating long distance for a year now. Him and I are very happy together and make it work as best we can. We started as friends with benefits and our relationship and feelings towards one another continue to grow every day. We have not become exclusive, yet we don’t see or want other people. I don’t mind not having the status as a couple, but I think I’m starting to get to the point of actually loving this guy… Now when it comes to love, I’m not positive if he holds the same feelings as I do. Should I tell him that I love him or keep it to myself to ensure not to scare him away? If I tell him, how do I say it? HELP!

  • Karen says:

    I love your quote! I am a quote junkie and I can tell ya, thats a good one! Good luck with this-I know you have a lot to offer!

  • Quinnland23 says:

    You go girl! Great idea. Here’s one from the other side; “Dating a widow. I always felt that since the relationship never ended with a ‘break up’ that there was no real closure, and therefore the presence of the significant other would persist indefinitely. Is that true? How’s a guy to compete with a potentially perfect guy that’s no longer around?”

    • Debbie says:

      Dear Quinn (yes, I know that’s not your real name),

      Awesome question. Thank you or playing. Your question is second in line and will be answered in the next few days.
      I have a lot to say on this one, although were I to be fair, I’d let my boyfriend weigh in. (I may ask what he thinks on this).

  • annette says:

    I have a legal question. Is that allowed? My husband told GM that I was to be his surviving spouse, but the Pension Benefits Guaranty Corp discovered a QDRO from his first marriage naming the first wife as same. ERGO I got nothing. Do I have any recourse? It’s been over a year.

    • Debbie says:

      Thank you so much for the great comments on the other site!!! Your question is allowed, but I don’t know the answer. I just can’t give you legal advice on this that Id be confident in. I will check with a couple friends though, and if I find anything out I’ll email you. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!